How to not be a dick

Let’s be honest — we’ve all been one at some point. To someone. About something. Maybe we were tired, defensive, hangry, or just not paying attention. Maybe we didn’t mean to be, but our words, tone, or timing landed wrong.

The good news? Not being a dick is a learnable skill. It’s about awareness, intention, and a sprinkle of humility.

There’s also a big difference between occasionally acting like a dick and actually being a dick.In the first case, we usually know we’ve messed up. We feel guilty, maybe even cringe a bit, and try to make amends. In the second… well, there’s often no awareness at all. Intention is waved away as “irrelevant,” and it’s usually paired with an ego that could use its own postcode.

So, in the spirit of saving humanity one interaction at a time, I’ve put together a five-part guide to not acting like a dick.It’s designed to help you in two ways:

1. To recognise (and call out) dickish behaviour from others.

2. To spot your own unintentional dickish moments — because self-awareness is the ultimate social hygiene.

Part One: Respect

Respect is the essence of not being a dick. It’s the foundation of any functioning relationship, workplace, or society. In the immortal words of Aretha Franklin, “All I’m askin’ is for a little respect, R-E-S-P-E-C-T!”(And yes, you have to sing that line, preferably out loud. Bonus points if you add a hair flick.)

It’s really not a big ask, is it? Respect should be the baseline for every relationship — whether it’s a stranger you’ll never see again, a colleague, or your partner, family, or friends.

Respect means seeing others as equally human — even the ones who chew too loudly or send “per my last email” messages. It’s acknowledging everyone’s dignity, not because of what they do, but because they exist. It’s the invisible framework that allows trust, safety, and authenticity to exist. Without it, relationships crumble faster than a Custard Cream dunked in your tea.

What Respect Looks Like

Being respectful means treating others with care, fairness, and understanding — even when you disagree or just don’t particularly like them. It’s:

• Listening without interrupting.

• Being honest and kind.

• Keeping promises.

• Honouring boundaries.

• Considering others’ feelings and perspectives, even when they make you roll your eyes internally.

You don’t have to respect someone to behave respectfully toward them. True respect is earned — but respectful behaviour is the baseline. It’s the difference between being human and being, well… a dick.

I dreamed a dream…

Imagine a world where everyone acts with respect.

In relationships, trust would skyrocket. People would feel safe sharing emotions and ideas. Disagreements would be handled with curiosity instead of judgment, and we’d actually feel heard (wild concept).

In society, collaboration would flourish. Power trips would shrink, fairness would grow, and corruption would look embarrassingly outdated.

For mental health, stress and anxiety would plummet. Feeling respected reduces defensiveness and pain. Empathy would expand. Self-respect would rise too — because when we’re treated as worthy, we start to believe it.

And on a global scale, there’d be fewer wars, less hatred, more understanding, and maybe even politicians who listen. (Okay, let’s not get too idealistic — but still.)

Start the Respect(ful) Revolution

Sure, universal respect might sound like an ideological pipedream — but we can create ripples in our own lives. Respect is contagious. When someone feels respected, they’re more likely to pass it on.

Start small:

• Listen fully.

• Value other people’s opinions (even when they’re wrong about pineapple on pizza).

• Speak kindly.

• Keep your promises.

• Accept differences.

• Be curious, not defensive.

• And, maybe most importantly — respect yourself.

  
  

Set boundaries. Rest. Say no when you need to. Being kind to yourself isn’t selfish — it’s how you recharge the energy to be kind to everyone else.

So next time your monkey brain starts to take over, pause. Take a breath. And remember:you can’t control everyone else, but you can always choose to not be a dick.

Look out for Part Two — coming… at some point. My last blog was in early 2022, so I’m hoping it doesn’t take me another three years to follow up, hopefully before AI takes over or my respect revolution goes global. Until then, be kind, be curious, and try not to be a dick.

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Do you have any questions?

I hope you found this helpful. If you have any questions or would like to explore how coaching might be able to help you find meaningful connection and joy, just get in touch. I'm very happy to have a chat.

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